Week4- Covenant or Contractual

“The man and the woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieve in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other.”

 Marriage is a partnership where you constantly are working on becoming one, as this quote perfectly explains the man and the woman have different roles in a marriage but because of those differences they can become one. In a talk titled, “Covenant Marriage” by Bruce C. Hafen he explains that there are two different types of marriages, a covenant marriage or a contractual marriage. He explains the difference as this,

“When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.”

A covenant marriage is one that gives their all and works together, no matter what comes their way. In this day and age, it is more and more common to have contractual weddings, which is why we are seeing more and more divorces. Couples who are only there for the good won’t stay when the ugly inevitably makes its way over. Every marriage no matter what is going to face trials, there is no denying that, life will throw curve balls and in order to survive you must be totally 100 percent committed to your spouse.

In that same talk by Bruce C. Hafen he goes on to explain that there are three types of wolves that will inevitably come and test a marriage, those are, natural adversity, your own imperfections, and excessive individualism. I’ve seen all three of these wolves be manifest, some in my own marriage, and some in the marriage of loved ones. While we will all be faced with them it is our job to get past them, together. The idea of individualism is becoming more and more prominent and it’s starting to hurt marriages. While it is important to have your own identity, and to do things that you enjoy, the real test is not getting carried away. While there will be different hobbies and interests it is important to include your spouse as much as you can. I think of me and my husband, we honestly have a lot of the same interests and love to spend our time together, but recently we have decided that one night a week I need to get out of the house and do something for me. We do this so that I can feel rejuvenated and come back a better wife and mother—and while I am gone he does things that he enjoys. This helps us to have a restart, if this was every night that is when extreme individualism sets in.

The main way that we can make sure we have a covenant and not a contractual marriage is in our actions. Bruce C. Hafen said, “Faithfulness and fidelity in marriage must not simply be attractive words spoken in sermons; rather, they should be principles evident in our own covenant marriage relationships.” We must show our spouse through our actions that we love them and are faithful to them. By acts of service, and words of affirmation, both in public and private we can solidify our marriages.