Week 6- Cherishing Your Spouse

I have loved learning more and cherishing our spouses this week, I feel that it worked perfectly with today being Valentines Day! As I read about love maps in Gottman’s book it made me happy to see that I scored highly, and excited to do the longer tests with my husband, as I know there is still plenty we need to learn about each other. I couldn’t help but think about complacency and how easily that can happen in a marriage. As you date, and are newly married you are busy learning everything you can about each other, but what happens 5, 10, 15 years down the road when you already claim to know everything and life has gotten in the way. Love maps are something that couples need to be working on, constantly. It is not something you learn once. And while just going through life you will continue to learn things about you spouse, you also need to actively try to dig deeper. That is why it is so important to keep dating in a marriage. As I read the love maps and was quite proud of myself, and my marriage I got to thinking about how I am still newlywed, and have a long way to go in this life. I never want complacency to take hold in my marriage.

There is a quote by Henry B. Eyring that says, “Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes the weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companions joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion.” When we are constantly praying for our spouse, and praying for ways to love our spouse I believe that is when we will keep growing as a couple. When we pray for love, when we pray to help, to forgive, to cherish, we will be given those things. It may take time and effort but as long as we are praying that means we are worried and that we care. Whenever I have gotten frustrated with my sweet husband, I make myself do something to serve him, and usually at the beginning I may be grumbling a bit, but by the end of whatever I’m doing I feel that love return and I am no longer upset. Granted these are tiny things, that shouldn’t frustrate me anyways, but it has really taught me that when you work at something, when you work to have fondness and admiration and love, you will get it. If you let yourself dwell on the negative, that is what you will think of, if instead you focus on the positive (even if at times you have to really focus) that is what you will get.

This week we focused on nurturing and appreciating our spouses and I LOVED it! I loved focusing on the good in my marriage and it really gave me the jump start I needed. It is so easy to get caught up in everyday life, and how busy that gets, but we really need to take the time to show appreciation to our spouse! That's how love grows! Me and my husband did two of the activities in Gottman's book and it was so nice to be specific in all the ways we appreciated each other over the last couple of days. There were things I was doing that I didn't know he really appreciated and vice versa. I feel like we got to know each other even more. As we focus on the good instead of  the bad in our marriages it is so easy to be happy! I noticed I was so happy this week and so in love with my spouse because I was CHOOSING to look at all of his good characteristics instead of focusing on the negative.